What I’ve learned about long distance relationships
—a guest post by a twenty-something
Recently in my life, long distance relationships have been coming up a lot. I know people at both ends: ones that resolutely refuse to even consider them and others that really think they can work. One of my friends is currently giving it a go, and I won’t lie: it has been hard for her, but by a happy accident I ran into an old friend who gave me some excellent advice. In turn, I gave this advice to my friend, and it seemed to really help her, so I wanted to share it with everyone!
First the situation:
My friend got her dream job and ended up having to move. Her boyfriend was thrilled for her, and they both decided they would make it work. Though they knew it would be difficult, they were both up to the challenge. (This is so important! If you and your partner are not on the same page about the effort required, it’s going to get way more challenging.) Things were great at first. They face-timed at least twice a week, talked on the phone nearly every day, her boyfriend promised to send a present, and they were making plans for him to come visit. But as time wore on, things got a little harder.
Of course they continued to do all those things, the phone calls, the face-timing, but it started to feel more like a chore than a treat. Not to mention she was still waiting for this present, though I’ve been told her boyfriend is still looking and just hasn’t found the perfect thing yet. At this point I think that little voice of insecurity started to set in — and it would be hard for it not to! Luckily this was right around the time I ran into an old friend who had done the long distance thing, and it had worked. She didn’t deny it was hard, but she gave me, and everyone else some hope that it really can happen.
How to make long distance feel a little less distant
Take time for a date night.
Seriously, get dressed up all fancy, order yourselves some dinner, and enjoy a lovely evening sitting “across” from each other. It’s really cute and a great way to break up the routine.
Send each other gifts.
This can be anything from a care package of snacks and other things your partner misses from home to a pretty shell you found at the beach or a funny pin. It’s less about the gift, and more about the thought behind it. Plus, having something that your partner was just holding is a bonus!
Take them on a tour.
The great thing about cell phones is that we can bring everyone with us – so take advantage! Facetime your partner and show them around your new city, your new favorite coffee shop, restaurants, parks, really anywhere.
Be really honest.
You both have to know that it’s okay to have hard times, to really miss someone and wish they were around, and it’s really important to be able to share that. You might need more reassurance, you might need to do something a little more special. Just talking about it might make things better. Moments like these will likely bring you both closer, and make your relationship better.
Plan your visits.
It may not be possible to visit for some time, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have something to look forward to! Making plans for when you’re going to see each other again, what you’re going to do, where you’re going to go, and so on, can make things so much easier when you miss someone.
That was my advice to my friend, and I am so happy to report that it helped her and her boyfriend a ton! Sometimes an outsider’s perspective is all you need, and I hope that it helps others as well.