Yikes! That’s not something you typically want to hear. Sure, it’s a gentle way of breaking up, but it’s still breaking up. And to top it all off: What if it is you?
Relationships end for all kinds of reasons. Maybe it’s true, maybe the person saying “it’s not you…” really means it. You’re great — they just have to focus on this, move away, or they’re really busy at the moment. I’m not sure that softens the blow for someone who was really keen on continuing. It can often lead the person to believe that if the situation were different then the relationship could continue and that can then keep them from moving on.
Of course, some people will use that line as the “easy way out.” It’s far easier for them to blame it on themselves than for them to “hurt” you. Maybe they’re just not that into you. That has a sting to it, but it probably wouldn’t lead you to believe there may be a reunion around the corner. And, guess what! It’s okay if they don’t “like” you. Not everyone is compatible with everyone else. Just because you are attracted to a person it does not mean that they will be attracted to you. And it doesn’t make you unattractive either.
You might fall into the trap of asking yourself what it was that they didn’t mesh with and how you should change. While growth and self reflection are important, try not to embrace change just because someone did’t want to be in a relationship with you. It’s true that some extremes may play an important role as a “wake-up call.” A breakup can be a signal that prompts someone to self-review and get help. But that help has to be for yourself. If you are not at peace with yourself, your intimate relationships will suffer.
Breakups can be tough. They can cause you to start adding to those walls you’ve probably already begun building. But you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable, to feel the heartache. Allow yourself to mourn the loss, even if most of the relationship was in your head. (Unfortunately, that happens often, because we easily get carried away.) Once you’ve gotten back up and dusted off your knees, head back out there with an open heart. The only way you will feel the love is by allowing your self to be vulnerable. Want to chat more?
Nathalie