Recently I heard a tale of a young woman who went to her gynecologist complaining of pain during intercourse. And I must say that if you are experiencing pain during intercourse you should always pay a visit to the doctor. There are a number of reasons intercourse could be painful — STIs or cancer are two big ones you should rule out. But in this woman’s case (and she isn’t alone) she was perfectly healthy. Her doctor told her she was “just little” and maybe she should try putting lidocaine inside her vagina.
Now, using lidocaine during sex is not that uncommon, but not necessarily recommended. Many sex shops sell a gel for men to use to help them “go longer” that has lidocaine. Some people also use it to assist with anal sex — which is a horrible idea!!! If you can’t feel it or the sensations are lessened, then you may be setting yourself for harm. And also if you can’t really feel it, then what’s the point?
But, you ask, if people can just buy it at the local sex shop, then what’s my beef?
Women so often feel inadequate or that there is something wrong with them in the sex department. Women’s sexual health is often ignored or misunderstood. You would think that general practitioners, and especially gynecologists, would have better answers — many do, but many don’t. So, what do you do if sex hurts, particularly vaginal penetration?
First, visit the gynecologist. Then when you get the all clear on medical problems, visiting a physical therapist that specializes in vaginal health is a great place to go next. You can also hit up a sex therapist or sexologist. They may recommend vaginal exercises, relaxation techniques, and or dilators. Sometimes the vaginal muscles are really tight and have trouble relaxing to make way for a penis. Foreplay is helpful here: the vulva swells, lubricates, and the muscles relax. But sometimes the vagina has a no entry sign up even if you don’t want it to. This is where dilators may help. You can go online and find vaginal dilators, which are essentially dildos in varying sizes. They start out very small, maybe finger size, then gradually get bigger.
When you are going to shop for a dildo (or anything that goes in or on your body), make sure you go body safe. Finding a set would be nice because you have the range you need in one kit, but you can also shop for individual dildos. You can find them in stainless, plastic, glass and silicone. Silicone is a nice option because they are softer and more pliable. Any licensed sexual health professional will have recommendations so if you need help don’t be afraid to go after it. And if you want to chat or need help finding your way, you know where to find me.
Nathalie