In this crazy, modern world of ours we see more and more people dating outside of their own culture. While plenty of people around the world and even here in the U.S suffer from oppression and hate, the light is growing at the end of the tunnel.
Dating someone from a different cultural heritage can have loads of benefits: You may be introduced to new foods, new music, new stories, a new language (or two), new clothing styles, new lands, and so much more. We all have to learn about our lover’s lives, quirks, habits, and interests, and this gives us opportunities to spend countless hours talking. But imagine the conversation bonuses, “I like to play Cricket on Saturdays.” Anyone reading this know what Cricket is?
Unfortunately all of this loveliness can also pose challenges. Communication in the best circumstances can be a challenge, but when you toss in cultural habits and customs to the mix, it could become downright work. It is always important to learn someone’s communication style, and when that someone was also raised in a different country, a different religion, a different socio-economic group, a different political background, a different skin color, a different… you will most likely find that they have internalized culturally-driven communication habits that you must learn about. And, of course, they will need to learn about yours.
It doesn’t stop with communication, although I believe that one to be the most important. How else do you communicate the other cultural issues that may need to be addressed — like sex. Sex can be a huge point of friction for two people from different cultural backgrounds. Talking about birth control or sex positions can be extremely awkward, even if you want to talk about those things. The fact that your parents talked openly about sex doesn’t mean your partner’s did — in fact, it could be 100% opposite. Be patient and understanding, and if you need a little assistance with that conversation you know where to find me.
Please, please, please be careful to not assume you know what a person wants for dinner and in life just because you have read up on their cultural ideals. There is a reason they are in a relationship outside of their upbringing, so it most important that you get to know them without any prejudices and assumptions. It is okay to ask, but it is never okay to judge.
Nathalie