The perfect excuse when you are “not in the mood”- a headache. But I’m going to venture a suggestion that may seem unpopular and could come across as offensive to some. Why not just do it anyway? If you are in a respectful relationship, with good communication and boundaries, what’s wrong with putting out when you don’t feel like it? We all do things that we don’t feel like doing: changing tires, taking out the trash, cleaning up cat hairballs. I know what you are thinking — cat hairball discussions don’t help the situation.
Sexual activity is an incredible stress reliever. When you engage in a spot of tiddlywinks your body starts to release feel-good endorphins, your breathing deepens, and you can become more energized. It can help take the frantic out of go mode, and can help you reconnect with your partner. I know, I know it’s hard to think of putting forth that effort when all you want is comfy clothes and a Netflix binge, but I’m not suggesting you pull an all nighter. Ten minutes out of your Netflix time will not only show your partner that their needs are important too, but you will reap the benefits as well.
And of course, when considering how you might deal with these kinds of situations you can come up with some ideas so that you don’t have to when you’ve got that headache. The easy one: lube up and go for it. Maybe your partner wants it and you have really bad cramps (although sex is said to help reduce menstrual cramps). Solution: snuggle up close and whisper naughty good things in their ear while they masturbate. Maybe you are the one in need of some action. Toys, toys, toys! Going at it with a dildo or other stimulator (butt plug, clitoral vibrator, and so on) while your partner whispers dirty nothings to you or makes out with your neck, ear, nipples — you know that sort of thing, can be mmmm-mmmm good.
The importance of having a relationship with good boundaries, communication, and respect cannot be overlooked here, and it is the only way putting out when you don’t feel like it won’t cause resentment in future. You can prepare for these moments almost like having frozen dinners when you don’t feel like cooking or having grab and go snacks when you don’t have time for a meal.
Want to talk through more ideas? You know how to reach me.
Nathalie