I was watching a panel discussion recently on BDSM and Power Exchange. Although I am well-versed in the subject, I find it is always a good idea to go into these things as if I am a complete novice. It allows me the opportunity to let someone else answer the questions, and it is often instructive and meaningful. But what I enjoy most about BDSM and Power Exchange discussions is watching and listening to the people who are in those kinds of relationships.
Listening to submissives and Dominants talk about their positive experiences in their BDSM relationships always makes me smile. A couple of sentiments I often hear are “It’s so nice to know where your place is” and “I know exactly what lane I’m in.” Couples will often talk about how Power Exchange transformed their relationship, and many say that, without it, the relationship would have died out long ago.
As I have mentioned before, you don’t need to have BDSM to have Power Exchange, but you do need to have Power Exchange to have BDSM. BDSM activities can help strengthen any Power Exchange relationship. As BDSM relationships mature an intense level of confidence and strength grows out of them— eventually becoming as smooth and rich as a well-aged bottle of port. Healthy 24/7 BDSM relationships do require a tremendous amount of effort, lots of communication, lots of vulnerability, and lots of trust, but the compensation is a symbiotic relationship that allows for growth, both as an individual and as a unit.
If there is anyone out there reading this right now that thinks they might be interested in learning more, I encourage you to find a class, read a book, talk to people. When I reached adulthood, I new nothing about BDSM or Power Exchange. I always thought maybe I was a bit more “traditional,” and I was very confused by the ideas of “modern relationships.” A lot of people find this hard to talk about. I felt that in my relationships the man had a Dominant place and the woman had a submissive place, but the world was telling me I was not allowed to have that, that I was wrong and somehow brainwashed.
When I discovered Power Exchange and BDSM, my outlook changed and my life changed with it. I was able step out of my shell of confusion and into a life of living the relationship I wanted. I want to be clear here— being Dominant is not gender specific and neither is being submissive! I happen to be a heterosexual woman who is also happier in a submissive role in my intimate relationships, and therefore the Man’s place in my life is in the Dominant role. The point is that you have a right to imagine your relationships the way you want and what makes you comfortable, within the limits of negotiation and consent.
Want to explore what BDSM or P/E might contribute to your life? Let’s talk!
Nathalie