Fact: Most people with a disability wanna have sex too.
As humans we have a tendency to categorize people — especially those that may be different from us — and put them in boxes like sexy, dumb, ugly, intelligent, blonde, asian, disabled, fat, gay, and on and on. When we put people into these boxes we don’t even think about all of the things we have in common: We all need to breathe, we all need to eat and drink, we all have feelings, we all want love, and on and on. I won’t say that we all want sex because there are some people in this world who have absolutely no interest in sex, and that’s fine too. But the point is that these boxes put distance between us.
What is amazing, though, is how many people think that disability equals low to no sex drive. Why? No really, I am asking that question: Why would someone not want to get off just because they may have intellectual, mental, or physical disabilities? I am not saying that everyone will be able to have assume the “standard” sexual positions, but there again why should you have to? And what’s “standard” anyway?
It can be difficult for someone with a disability, especially one that is visible or immediately apparent, to date because they are often judged first by their disability. There is also the problem of fetishizing someone with a disability. Yes, you heard it: fetishizing. There is a fetish for almost everything, so no need to be alarmed — but be aware. If a person who is blind gets their jollies out of someone getting off on the fact that they are blind then great! Good for them: honesty and negotiation are imperative to every relationship. But, while fetishes are out there and plentiful, many people just want to be loved and wanted for who they are, wholly who they are, not just because they happen to rock a wheelchair.
Having sex or sexual experiences may have to be outside somebody else’s box, but we could all stand to be inventive and learn some knew techniques. And remember all those things we have in common? Well, a lot of communication and trial and error will probably be needed. Sounds like the way all sexual relationships should be to me.
Nathalie
If you are new to this discussion and want to start educating yourself there is a great show on Netflix called Special. It has two seasons so far; it is quite funny, endearing, and informative.