Bo: “Could I just ask what this meeting’s for? Is this angry divorcee’s or croning?”
Jobo: “No, the menopause, Bo.”
Bo: Oh, we don’t have that in America. We don’t believe in it, certainly not in L.A.”
Absolutely Fabulous, season 4, episode 6 Menopause
At some point in our younger years we hear this word: menopause. If we think about it all we put it in the inevitable box and close the lid. At some point in our late 30’s, yes, late 30’s we may hear a new word- perimenopause. What the hell is that? Box, lid closed. Then when we get to our mid to late 40’s we hear the word again menopause. Sometimes it turns up as erratic periods, odd hormone swings, a sweat attack when you’re sitting around doing absolutely nothing, changes in memory, crap-ass sleep, and pants that no longer button. If the problems are enough of a nuisance and assuming we have health insurance, we go to the gynecologist and pronounce: what the fuck?
At this point, the lovely gynecologist may likely make a few suggestions. Endometrial ablation will most likely get rid of those periods and may also help settle down some of those hormones — meaning, overall, less PMS and sore boobs. There may be a mention of getting some hormone replacement. Sure there may be risks, but why suffer, right? Eventually, in your late 40’s or early 50’s one of your doctors will ask you if you still ovulate or if you are postmenopausal. Uh?
So, who here knows that menopause has three parts? And who here knows what to expect during each of these parts? I urge you to start talking to the women around you. Hot flashes, night sweats, short term memory loss, hormone swings — and let’s not forget that crap-ass sleep — are all symptoms of all three stages of the menopause. Not to mention — and it usually isn’t — changes in vulva tissue and vaginal dryness. Lube, lube, lube is a great friend for the menopausal vulva and vagina. Good Clean Love has some great products in their bio nourish line- starting with a gel to help sooth and moisten for daily care and a great lube for sex. Side note: If you opt for the vaginal gel do read the instructions and info. It can be a bit tingly, and not in a good way, but that wears off pretty quickly and then after a few uses should subside completely.
So, let’s talk: change in vulva tissue. Because your estrogen levels are dropping, rising and falling, super low (depending on your stage) your ovaries are not telling your vulva to perk up and put out. Your changing body will mean that your experiences will change, too. Your orgasms may very well be different as your clitoris changes.
I asked one woman about her orgasms and she said the dreaded, “Well I’ve never been able to the normal way.” What she meant was she doesn’t orgasm internally, the g-spot. And, for the record, that way is NOT the normal way. Many women do not orgasm this way and most that do only do with additional clitoral stimulation.
Anyway, she went on to tell me that she didn’t think about it, but when she did then she was aware of it and excited about it. Translation: I’m not always thinking about sex, but when I do, I get turned on and horny, and I’m raring to go. The moral here is, yes, your body is changing and your sexual experiences will be different, but that doesn’t mean they have to be bad or nonexistent. It’s an adjustment and a great excuse to (re)discover and play. Learn, learn, learn because the menopause is coming — there is no stopping it. Make a note of questions so you can be prepared to ask your doctors during that 7 1/2 minute office visit. They are quick, and you must be quicker.
I’m going to leave you to digest all of this on one last but very important note. Hormone replacements come in all different shapes and sizes, patches, pills, pellets, creams, herbs and spices. All of them have pros and cons. It is not necessary to step through these stages with hormone therapy, but for some, it can be a life changer. Just like not every woman experiences PMS the same, not every woman experiences menopause the same. It is also the case that early menopause (let’s say before 50), means less estrogen earlier, which means an elevated chance of developing osteoporosis. Ask about a bone density scan to help you decide if you need a small amount of estrogen to support your bones.
The menopause will come; you will have to face the music sooner or later. If you are on hormone replacement therapy you will be weaned off and will have to “go through menopause again.”
Cheers sweetie.
Nathalie