Such an intriguing acronym, BDSM- Bondage/discipline, Dominant/submissive, Sado-Masochism. The first and most important feature of BDSM is forming an agreement with the person that you will be doing or sharing these activities with. You should never engage in any BDSM activities without one. Agreements can be as simple as negotiating the amount of times and the strength at which the Dominant person is going to spank the submissive’s bottom, with safe words included, all the way to incredibly complex and detailed terms and conditions.
I am only going to gently touch on sado-masochism. A Sadist is one who enjoys inflicting pain on someone and a masochist is one who enjoys that pain. If you feel that this may be something you would like to incorporate in you life, find teachers and become educated! As with many BDSM activities, you must learn how to do them properly, and these can be more dangerous and intense experiences, so find a mentor, a group in your community, books, etc and learn, learn, learn!!
Bondage/discipline has a wide range of activities that can be as innocent as a silk blindfold and a pat on the ass all the way to being totally bond by rope, chains, etc., in order to elicit a certain behavior or experience. It can be explored as a form of sex play or incorporated into the whole of a relationship. You can find Shibari (the art of rope tying) classes all over the country. A quick look around the house and you can find all kinds of toys for a B/d session- kitchen spatulas, a ruler, a feather, a tie, etc.
Dominant/submissive, a subject near and dear to me, is all about who is “in charge” and who is “taking orders.” Like with all BDSM activities an agreement and a safe word is of the utmost importance. But something I want to make very clear you can be in a D/s relationship — or, as I like to call it, Power Exchange — without any tying, spanking, chains, rope, intimacy, or the like. Chances are you are in several Power Exchange relationships right now. Think about your relationship with your boss, or how about even your best friend. The question is do you have clear lines of expectations from them and of them — unfortunately, probably not (but that’s is another article!).
In the BDSM world a D/s relationship (agreement) can last from a few minutes to a lifetime. Putting an expiration date on an agreement is not unusual, and it can mean anything from renegotiation to ending the relationship. After an agreement is negotiated and agreed upon, the submissive hands over power to the Dominant. A Dominant and their submissive will work together in the exchange of power, and the submissive always has the opportunity to stop whatever is going on by using an established safe word. Some people choose to use multiple safe words as warning guides, for example, green = go, yellow = on the edge, and red = stop. When choosing safe words you want to make sure they are words that you wouldn’t necessarily be using during a given activity- “mold” is probably not something you would shout out in the throes of passion.
I’ll be talking more about D/s and Power Exchange, in the weeks to come. Meanwhile, I’m here if you’d like to explore.
Nathalie