Say what? Orientation? You know, What kind of relationship works best for you?
So often, we look around at our parents, our peers, stories, movies, and more, and pick up, from our earliest awareness, how we are supposed to structure or intimate relationships. Sometimes the people around us are great about telling us or showing us about alternatives or other life choices, but we are still inundated with a particular mainstream narrative. In some ways it is improving- we have romcoms that depict same sex relationships — hallelujah! But those are about who you love. Let’s talk about how you structure that love.
There are many names out there for different styles of relationships: monogamous, non-monogamous, serial monogamy, monogamish, polyamory, polyfidelity, swingers, open relationship, etc. And let’s not leave out the people for whom an intimate relationship sounds like a bad rash. None of these kinds of relationships are better or worse except that, generally speaking, the monogamous or serial monogamy stands out as the norm, especially in western cultures. And because of this norm, people who don’t fit into the monogamous category often feel pretty confused, out of place, and alone.
Ask yourself what style of relationship would fulfill you the most. All those labels in that last paragraph freak you out a bit? No worries The Bonding Project is an excellent resource to help you understand different relationship styles. They are very careful to be inclusive, nonjudgemental, and they use language that doesn’t put you in a box. They have an excellent quiz to help guide you. Be warned, unfortunately, you have to acknowledge that you are 18 yrs or older to start the quiz. I realize it is for their protection, and I know why they are asking that of you, but I also believe that young people are not given enough opportunities to learn about how relationships work.
The Bonding Project quiz takes about 7 minutes, but don’t rush it. Take your time and think about your responses. Take two days if you have to! Two days thinking about answers to a quiz might save you years of heartache and frustration. What have you got to lose? And if you want to chat about those results with someone, you know where to find me.
Nathalie