We all have “thoughts” that turn us on. Some people fantasize about feet, some the feel of leather against their skin, a spanking – both giving or receiving – and a mountain of other luscious desires in between, on top, and over. But, we are often afraid or shy or nervous about sharing these thoughts with others, and sometimes we just like the idea of having a secret. It can make us feel naughty which can heighten the arousal we get from it.
I’d like to encourage you to speak up! Telling your sexual partners about your fantasies can add wonders to your sexual experiences and improve intimacy in your relationships. You may be concerned about a negative reaction, but what if their reaction is positive? It is so easy for us to decide for others and take the negative route. It can protect us from getting hurt or embarrassed, but it also holds us back and isn’t very fair to your partners. It is true that they may not enjoy the same fantasies as you do, but at least give them a chance.
Make a night, or a day, of discovery – arrange an activity that is either conducive to conversation or spurs conversation after. You can go to a sex shop, watch a porn movie together (unless that is the fantasy you want to talk about), go have a picnic and talk about sex, which often leads to more talk about sex, which often leads to sex.
And remember, fantasies are in your head and they can make the juices flow, but that doesn’t mean they have to be acted upon or that you even want to actually do it. There are different methods for reaching the fantasy in question from acting on it completely – role play, a blind fold, some suggestive words, and more.
If you want to chat with someone to get some ideas, some encouragement, or if you concerned that sharing these thoughts will lead to problems in the relationship you know where I am.
Nathalie