Sharing a space with someone you love can be a wonderful experience. It can be so exciting and romantic. You get to fall asleep with each other every night and wake up next to each other every morning. Having someone home with you so you can do nothing together can be relaxing and even bonding.
But, are those the reasons you are choosing to move in? Firstly, moving in with someone isn’t always like that, and I’ll get another article out about that soon soon. Secondly, but not second in importance, you have to ask yourself why you are making this decision, including The Big Question: Is it for financial reasons?
Financial reasons are among the worst to take the plunge and move in with an intimate partner. Yes, it is sooo much easier to get bills paid when you’ve got someone splitting the tab. But, if that’s what you need, get a roommate, and not a live-in lover. Many people find themselves stuck and their relationships hang on well past their expiration date because they are financially dependent on each other.
So, what if you really do want to live with your girlfriend, and you or the two of you are also in need of the other financially? You could decide to become lover-mates. Yes, I did just make up that term. In a regular roommate situation you would have boundaries — Whose milk is this? Whose pan is this? Whose vet bill for the cat is this? Instead of dumping it all in when you cohabitate, set up financial agreements. These agreements could be similar to the ones you would have if your mate were a room-mate instead of a lover-mate. This could help with feelings of resentment and help keep conflict about the finances at bay. It could also help you feel less stuck if the relationship isn’t working for you. Having clarity about your finances puts you a step ahead in keeping your feet on the ground while you deal with the emotions of a break-up. Break-ups are never easy, but piling on financial concerns makes it that much harder.
Plus, practice at financial agreements will make it that much smoother with your next mate.
And speaking of practice, if you’re having a little trouble getting started on agreements, maybe a love/relationship coach can help!
Nathalie