In the previous post, I dropped a bomb: Yes, you have to make actual decisions about the relationship you want. Some of you may be thinking, But it takes the magic away. Let’s dive into a picture: Don’t they look happy, as in happily-ever-after?
We looked at some different kinds of relationships you could have, with varying degrees of length and commitment. It is perfectly okay to want to “just date,” and date non-exclusively. It’s also perfectly okay to want to find someone with whom you can have a committed, monogamous, long-term relationship. The trick is figuring out what you are looking for at this time in your life, all the while considering what 2, 5, 7, even 10 years out may look like for you.
We so often fall into a relationship accidentally, and follow this path of dating, boyfriend, live-in, marriage, kids. But it doesn’t have to be that way, and all of your relationships may be better for it. Being honest with yourself about who you really are is the first step and figuring out what you want is the next. Those steps can be challenging to work through. I know what it sounds like, but having some structure to your love life will help you answer those questions. So, if you are one of those who shies away from love because you don’t know what you want or how it all works, there is really only one way to find out. On the other hand, if you’ve had lots of practice on the piano, but you never follow your lessons and only try to make up your own songs, you’ll never actually learn how to make music.
This is where fantasy and fairytale help us. Stories — both the ones we read and the ones in our heads — have a great way of introducing us to new things, ideas that intrigue us, and making us feel all warm and fuzzy (or hot and bothered). Playing these stories out in your head and/or on paper can help point you in a direction. Is that fantasy person funny, smart? Why? Are you off on a romantic beach trip, snuggling in a cabin in the woods, having sex behind a tree in the park? Why? Do your fantasies always involve the same faceless person or is it someone different every time? Why?
Take a bit of time on these questions and make some notes!
Nathalie
“Not everyone has to be the one, do they?”
“Not everyone can be the one, if you are being pedantic.”
“So, I guess the question is- what do you do while you’re waiting?”