What do you want in a relationship? Do you want a fit, blue eyed hunk? Maybe a cute, nice-assed brunette who loves football? How about a doctor, a CEO, or maybe a chef? Do you picture 2.5 children, a lovely two-story house with big trees and a yard for the dog (or cat)? Here is where you hear the sound of breaks grinding.
My question was: What do you want in a relationship? What matters to you, really really matters? Looks, career, children, houses… all important to take into consideration, some way more than others, but you can’t slap your fantasy onto everyone you go out with and cross your fingers — not if you want any success.
For starters, are you looking for something that can become long-term? What does “long-term” mean to you? Do you want to live with someone — and are you looking for live-in in every person you date? You see, the first thing you need to ask yourself is: What kind of a relationship do I want — dating, exclusive dating, boyfriend/girlfriend, live-in, life partner, marriage, parenthood? Digging deeper, what do these “relationship names” mean to you? How are any “alternative” lifestyles incorporated? Is a D/s important to you, poly, swinging, buy a duplex and each live in one side?
It is so easy to picture your fantasy relationship without knowing what that really entails because we rarely ask ourselves these questions. We sort of just watch for fireworks and hope for the best. But, answering these questions will help guide you to make better relationship decisions.
So, you’ve decided, right now you want to find someone you can “exclusively date.” Yay! Okay, you’ve both agreed, and you‘re only dating each other. Step one, check. But, do you see each other every Friday night? How many nights a week will satisfy you, both emotionally and physically? Do you spend holidays together? (Oh, wait: maybe that should be reserved to boyfriend/girlfriend and up?) What kind of expectations will you have of each other?
Picking through all of these details and more may seem daunting, and of course, some trial-and-error is inevitable. Knowing yourself and what you want can save you and prospective partners a lot of trouble and heartache. Bear in mind that, as you grow, your wants, needs, and desires may change. To create your fairytale you have to know what bits are necessary.
Nathalie
PS. Do you actually want kids? And the real clincher: Why?